I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize