Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
