I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
