My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
