Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
