Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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