i would punch a child for taco bell
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
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