she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
