So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
