Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
