I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
You did what with his pubic hair?
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