So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
