If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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