oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
