We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
