Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I don't deserve a penis
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
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