I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
well most of my day revolves around power hour
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
