I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
