just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
