i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
