Whatcha textin bout Willis?
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize