Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
