Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
