i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
