i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
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