I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
