felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I can feel your judgement through the phone
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
