I feel like abortions should bother me more
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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