dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
