Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
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