final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
