guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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