My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
