Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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