We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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