Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
