I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
