he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
