All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
