lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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