can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
