All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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