can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
