Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
