piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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