I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
