its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
