i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
