I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
