she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
