I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize