Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
