If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
