Someone shit on the floor
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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