as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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