Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
