Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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