Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
