Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
