Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
