All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
