i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
