Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
