Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
