i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
