You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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