remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Randomize
