Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
