dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
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