I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
