she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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