you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
