I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Randomize
