I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
