I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
