So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
